When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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