he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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