I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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