"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
it was like his penis was on wheels.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
