his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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