Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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