dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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