the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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