The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
