He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
