That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
