Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
