There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
