I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
