So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
