had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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