he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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