I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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