Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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