Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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