so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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