for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
