I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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