Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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