:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
