i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
