I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
