I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
