if i can run in heels then i can drive
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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