I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
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