I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
