i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
