So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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