If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
