So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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