If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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