Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
