my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
