I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
