so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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