then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
