So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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