oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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