My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
