I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
