There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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