i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I still have a little drunk in my system
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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