shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
