Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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