Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
