it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
