just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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