Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He better not be in your backpack
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
