It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
