is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
