I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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