I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
