I must be too annoying 4 u.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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