Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
