you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
