i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
